'Have To' vs. 'Choose To'

You do not have to do anything.  You do not have to get up to go to work tomorrow, you choose to get up and go to work tomorrow. 

This might come across as a shock, but the truth is that even though you have a list of things that you feel like you have to do and have to get done, the world would carry on just fine if you didn’t.  I encourage you to run through your mental ‘have to’ list right now.  What is on it?  Laundry, cooking, meeting the deadline for your boss, waking up at a certain time in order to be at work.  I have great news; you don’t have to do any of those.  Now, I am not encouraging you to sleep in and watch soap operas all day tomorrow.  My point is that you absolutely do not have to do them.  The world would be an ok place if you didn’t.  For those of you confused, this is about mindset, not about laziness.

If you were to eliminate the word ‘have to’ from your vocabulary, it would be a liberating exercise.   Try and do that with me.  Think of all of your upcoming obligations that normally you feel that you ‘have to’ attend, and tell yourself that you are ‘choosing to’ attend.  Let’s take an example.  You are going to a family birthday party next weekend that you feel that you have to attend so that you don’t upset your family.  In your mind, tell yourself that you are choosing to attend.  Let me let you in on a secret, you are choosing to attend, no one is physically going to come handcuff you, throw you in the trunk, and drive you to the party.  When you tell yourself that you are choosing, immediately the positives about the event flood your thoughts, all of the love that will be shared by your family, how much it will mean to the birthday person that you are there.  That simple change in wording is powerful.

Let’s take this a step further.  Ask your significant other or friend to call you out every time you say ‘have to’.  Or start a ‘have to’ jar that you put a dollar in every time you say it.  Once the jar is full, you will donate the money to charity.  It is well worth while to put something in place to try and alter your ‘have to’ vocabulary.  Making a change in your external vocabulary works to force a change in your internal vocabulary.  And it is our internal vocabulary and dialogue that influences every single aspect of our mindset and our happiness.  Eliminating the ‘have to’ mindset is one of the more freeing choices you can make.   

One exercise from which I continually benefit is the following.  Think about the current day only in terms of choices.  What does that mean?  At the start of the day ask yourself the straightforward question, what things do I choose to do today?  When framed by that simple question, it creates a liberating view of the day.  My mind immediately gets excited about how I am going to choose to spend my day.  It is amazing how choosing to do one of the household chores on the list actually feels great.  As opposed to the guilt when my wife nags me about it (rightfully so) for the fifth time and I finally do it because I feel like I have to.  One scenario is rewarding, and I feel a sense of accomplishment.  The other I feel a slight sense of letting my wife and me down.

Before you hit the pillow tonight, rather than asking yourself the standard, what do I have to do tomorrow?  Flip that question around; what am I going to choose to do tomorrow?  You will put your mind in a place of control and freedom.

Kyle C. Ryan