Confidence and Fear

How many times have you tried to do something new and were fearful and a little bit scared?  Probably a bunch, I know I have.  Then you went ahead and did it, and realized it wasn’t that bad.  The second time, did you have the same fear? Probably not.  What was the difference? Confidence.  The second time, you knew you could do it.  You were no longer afraid of the unknown.   Here is a challenge, why not approach everything you do and try with confidence?

I know that last question makes it sound easy.  But, why does almost everyone struggle with confidence in one form or another?  Besides the broad and generic concept of fear, one major reason is because for some odd reason, we seem to really care what other people think about us.  I know this is something that I have to continue to work on and address on a daily basis.  One point well worth remembering: what people think about almost all of the time is themselves.  That is right; other people are not spending a bunch of time worrying about how you are going to perform when it is your turn to speak in the meeting, or if you are qualified to work on this project, or even if your outfit matches perfectly.  They more than likely have not thought about it at all.  They have enough of their own fears to think about.  Then, why are you so worried about what they will think? They aren’t.

Fear is obviously a huge opponent and obstacle of confidence.  I know, this is another obvious statement by me, now what can we do about it?  The best way to handle fear, is just to step right into it, simply take action.  It is almost never as bad as you were afraid it would be.  When you watch a child not want to try a new food, they are fearful of how it might taste.  However, after they try it, almost always, they realize it wasn’t that bad, often they actually like it.  Now, your fears are just as irrational as the child trying a new food.  Are you afraid of being rejected when you call someone?  Well, most of us have called someone and had the worst response possible, and you know what, it isn’t that bad.  If having someone hang up on you is the worst that can happen, when the best that could happen is you could earn a lot of money, or the job you want, for goodness sakes, make the call.

I find myself at times allowing fear to impact my confidence.  It usually doesn’t surface the way that fear does in the movies.  I don’t start sweating and curl up in a ball.  What usually happens is I procrastinate.  Yep, I find myself not tackling something.  Usually, when this happens, there is some type of fear involved.  When I tell myself that I am procrastinating because I am afraid, it immediately snaps me back into confident mode.  Once you embrace that fear is constantly creeping into your day to day actions and tasks, it makes it easier to overcome.  You will never completely conquer fear of rejection, or whatever other fears you have.  But, when you know that you are not doing something because you are afraid, it is easier to step into it.

Another tool to overcome fear and replace it with confidence: visualize yourself with confidence.  Picture yourself having success.  Many studies have shown that your subconscious mind does not know the difference between a vision and what has actually happened.  You don’t need to have experienced a positive event in something in order for your mind to believe you will be successful.  You just need to make yourself believe that you will be successful.  I know this sounds overly simple again.  However, I can’t make it more complicated.  You can convince yourself of success in just about anything.  Do you think Olympic gold medal winners pictured themselves on the podium many times before the event actually happened?  Of course they did.  Most of them will tell you that by the time the event actually happened they expected it since they had already experienced it in their mind.  Are you thinking, that is great for an elite athlete, but how does that apply to me?  The exact same way!  Confidence and success are accomplished through your thoughts.

Kyle C. Ryan