Events, Reactions, and Labels

When was the last time you were faced with a situation where you did not have control of the outcome? Or where someone said something that annoyed you?  If you are like the rest of us, I am sure it was today.  We do not have the ability to control other people, and since people make a lot decisions, we don’t have control over most situations. Well, if we don’t have control over a lot of events and situations, what does that mean?  There is something that we do absolutely have control over: our choice of how to interpret and react to every situation and event. It is empowering to embrace this fact.  We choose how to react in every situation.  Other people do not make you mad, get you upset, etc.  You choose to let them get you mad, get you upset etc.

                ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’

-Eleanor Roosevelt

We have the opportunity to choose our interpretation and reaction to every single event, no matter how good, bad, or ugly that event might be.  It is very easy to allow a challenging event to get you off track and frustrated.  It is not as easy to choose to take it in stride and look for the positive in an event.  I know this sounds difficult, and it is.  But, I urge you to focus on how you react to certain events.  Take a look at yourself in the mirror and ask, why did I allow that to upset me?

Every event is followed by first our reaction, followed by how we choose to label or define the event and our reaction.  How we choose to define events and experiences is an incredibly important and underrated event.  Five people can experience the same event and choose a different label to define that event.  The label has a significant impact on your feelings.  We certainly have the power to choose our label.  I personally have had an experience where I felt anger and rage in the moment.  After reflecting on the situation, and changing the label, I viewed the situation as a learning experience. 

A label example that we almost all unfortunately use:  you may use the label ‘hate’ rather easily.  I hate so and so.  Say that sentence with me, I hate so and so.  How does that make you feel?  That word is charged enough to impact your feelings.  Now let’s try another word for the situation.  I don’t understand so and so.  This statement basically expresses a similar feeling while at the same time softening the definition.  If you are like most people, you don’t genuinely ‘hate’ a lot of people, but you might use the label without giving it a second thought.  Here are some more emotionally charged words to be careful of: stupid, idiot, dumb.  Unfortunately, over time these labels have a way of sticking and even influencing.  If your friend says that they hated the new movie that came out this weekend, I would be amazed if when you went to see it, that label did not influence your opinion just a tad.  The labels and words you use undoubtedly influence your own thoughts and those around you.  A great exercise is to ask a friend or loved one to remind you whenever you use an emotionally charged word.  You can then use these reminders to choose a better label and reaction.

Kyle C. Ryan